Crisis of Forgiveness

I'm always finding myself drawn to forgiveness topics.  Does that mean that I have something in my life that needs forgiveness or do I just find forgiveness really important?

I think it's probably both.

A lot of times I find it hard to truly understand forgiveness.  Just when I think I've forgiven someone I find out that I really haven't.

So why is it so hard to really forgive someone?

Well, first of all I believe that forgiveness comes in two steps.  The first is choosing to forgive and the second is acting on that decision.  I think the first step is the easiest for me and I often find it much harder to act on my decision to forgive.

Usually it frustrates me when I choose to forgive someone and then I find out that I actually haven't forgiven them.

(Let me clarify something real quick.  When I say that I find out that I haven't actually forgiven someone I don't mean that someone told me that I haven't or whatever.  Basically, I've just realized that I haven't forgiven them because I still have bitterness or I still bring up the situation or whatever)

Anyway, I've been processing what forgiveness really means so I've been reading articles on the topic.  here's one thing that got me thinking...

1. I won’t bring the offense up to the person, except for his benefit;
2. I won’t bring the offense up to others; and (hardest of all)
3. I won’t bring the offense up to myself. I will not go over it and think about it and dwell upon it.

At first when I read these I thought to myself, "what?"  But I think after thinking about them, I understand it better.  If I've really forgiven the person then why would I even want to bring the offense up to them?  If I brought the offense up to them it would just be like I wanted to get back at them or I wanted them to pay for what they have done.  While that could be my first instinct, it's not what forgiveness entails.  Forgiveness means to free someone from obligation of a payment or a debt.  Pretty much I won't expect them to repay me for what they did.

When I think of not bringing the offense up to others, I just get stuck.  It's part of my story so how does that work?  I think there are ways of telling your story without actually bringing up the offense.  It's difficult, but I think that's just part of the healing and forgiveness process.

Bringing it up to myself goes along the lines of bringing it up to others.  I mean, the offense happened to me so how do I not bring it up to myself especially when something triggers the thought?  

I think it's possible for the offense to be brought up but it's important to have dealt with it and just let it go.  If you let it come to your mind and dwell on it then chances are you really haven't forgiven that offense.

Sometimes the process of forgiveness takes a long time.  And sometimes you have to repeat the steps.  Sometimes all it takes is writing a letter, whether you give it to them or not, it's up to you.  Sometimes it takes a phone call.  Whatever the action is, just do it.  I believe you'll feel a lot better when you have completed the "crisis of forgiveness" as James MacDonald would say.

“Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32


My capacity for forgiveness is directly related to my comprehension of how much God loves me.

Hope #2

I don't usually do this but I'm gonna share a journal entry I've written.

So here it is..

Tonight I realized that my experience at college so far has been one of finding hope.  I honestly didn't have hope at all.  I lost trust for everyone; for people.  I've been betrayed multiple times and yeah, people could say one of the worst kinds of betrayal but really, betrayal is betrayal and this is just my story.  I'm not here to one up someone, especially with my life.  I'm just not gong to compare my life to others like that.  It's not necessary and that's not why I'm here. 

A while ago I didn't know my purpose in life and I honestly still don't know, but I do know that I'm on the right path to finding my purpose.  I also know that I have a desire to share the hope that I've finally found.  To share it with those who were like me.  Those who have lost hope completely and have no desire to go find it.  And some just don't know they need it.  Or they don't know what it is.  Some just don't have the strength to go find it. 

I'm kind of losing my thoughts right now but I almost feel like going to find hope requires someone to have hope in the first place.  I mean if you are going to search for something then you have hope that its going to be there, right?  Otherwise you would just give up.  At least I would.  I guess that's why I think bringing hope to people is important.  If you didn't have hope would you do nothing and just be apathetic all your life? 

Some people think they've committed the worst sin and it's impossible to be forgiven.  Someone who has murdered or committed adultery, a rapist or a thief probably feel like their sins can't be forgiven but I don't think that's true.  I actually don't want that to be true.  If it were true, then Jesus dying on the cross wasn't worth anything and the hope is lost.  If it were true, I would have been hoping in a lie. 

I'm glad I found hope and I'm glad I can rest in knowing that this hope will never disappoint and it will never fade away.  I don't think about it as much as I want to, but why would I keep hope like that to myself? 

Hope that has changed my life.  A hope that gave me a purpose. 

Hope in Jesus. 

Honestly, this hope is worth all of the pain that I've ever experienced.


So there it is.
Welcome back to my thoughts.

Life Pleasing To God

John Scott says in his book, Living In The End Times, "One of the greatest weaknesses of contemporary Christianity is our comparative neglect of Christian ethics, in both our teaching and our practice. We are known as people who preach the gospel rather than as those who live it."

I'm not real sure how to even begin this blog post after that quote. I feel like it's such a big thing that is happening in today's world. It's like we know what God wants from us but we only do the easy things or we only do the things that we want to do.

He does say go out into the world and preach the gospel. But He also says to love one another and to practice the things that were talked about in Philippians 4:8-9 so we will become like Him. It is my hope that when non-believers see believers they will feel loved and known and not judged or condemned.

1 Thessalonians 4:1-12 tells us God's will for us, our sanctification, how we should live a life pleasing to God.

"For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you." (1 Thess 4:7-8)

This passage is talking about abstaining from sexual immorality but also to live in love. We are called to love more and more. By love we fulfill the law. We are called to live quietly and walk shamelessly before outsiders.

Verse 11-12 says, "and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one."

As said in Romans 2, it's not enough to hear but doing and practicing these things will bring justification. And to reject the giver of the Holy Spirit is like cutting yourself off from the sanctifying power that enables us to be blameless in holiness at the second coming.


Are you living your life in love?

What thoughts and actions need to change in order for you to please God?

What is God's role in your sanctification?


Today I'm thankful for:
-footie pjs
-time
-glasses

Obedience

Ever been in the position where you are constantly fighting a battle? It's like you take four steps forward and five steps back. You never get anywhere and you're always struggling to catch your breath towards the end of the battle. You may have thought to yourself that there has to be an easier way to get through your struggles.

I always have a hard time letting God take over my battles for me. It's like I'm not listening to Him. He says do one thing and I tell Him that it's stupid and I don't want to do that. Not very obedient, right?

It's basically saying that I don't trust God enough to believe that He has everything under control and to trust that He makes all things work together for my good.

2 Corinthians 10:4-6 says, "For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete."

It's not just actions that can be disobedient. Thoughts are the first step to becoming an action so internal disobedience needs to be eliminated. We are called to obey God. Why would I want to obey anyone else? That's almost like choosing to obey a murderer. I can't trust that a murderer has my best interest at heart.

"If you are willing and obedient, you shall eat the good of the land" (Isaiah 1:19)


What battles are you fighting?

Is the battle worth fighting alone?

Do you feel freedom when you obey God and allow Him to fight for you?


Today I'm thankful for:
-heat
-Scruffy
-take home exams

Quiet Your Soul

I was reading through Psalm 131 yesterday and I thought it was really cool because it kind of relates to the passage I talked about on Friday. It talks about arrogance and pride and what we concern ourselves with.

I think it's hard to humble yourself every day and to focus on things that are actually going to matter. It's hard to know that I am loved by a God who will never love me less. It's hard to understand that I am loved by the Creator even when I choose to love the world over Him. I also find it unimaginable that God can love me even when I am poor, weak, and broken.

It's hard not to boast in things when you have completed a hard task or even when you have done something that no one thought you could do. It's hard to keep your heart and your eyes focused on what really matters. And it's hard to think of yourself more highly of others when you get in situations when you may be "better" than them.

Psalm 131 says, "O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore."

A lot of times I read passages that require me to do something afterwards and I feel like this passage requires me to just humble myself and know that God loves me for who I am and not for what I do. And know that God, the Creator, has created me for a purpose, for His perfect plan. He desires to just be with me. I feel like this passage is asking us to be content with God's presence, like a weaned child with its mother, just content with simply having their mother's presence.
We can hope in the Lord forever.

Did you know that God just wants to be with you?

How do you humble yourself in your hectic school or work schedule?

Do you find yourself with the God of peace when you humble yourself?


Today I am thankful for:
-soup
-love
-sleep

Whatever

Do you ever think that being a believer is only about what you do and what you don't do? But what about how we think and how we reason with one another? And what about how we put our belief into practice?

So what is true? And what is noble and right? What is pure, lovely and admirable? Believers should be reasoning and thinking about such things instead of thinking and worrying about other things that don't matter in the end.

Philippians 4:8 says "Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

When the apostle Paul was writing to the Philippians, he commanded them to think about and reason the things of God. Although Paul encourages them to think about these things, he also commanded them to put these things in practice.

4:9 says, "What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

Faith that involves no application is really no faith at all. Paul wants us to think about what is true of God and to apply them to our lives so we can become like Jesus. Once we work toward imitating how Paul lived we will begin to see the God of peace himself who will be with us. Not simply the peace of God.



What do you think is true of God?

What do you think is honorable and just?

Do you apply these truths to your life?

How do you see these truths playing out in your life?


Today I'm thankful for:
-my memory
-sweet friends
-the God of peace

Assured?

There are many times when I find myself doubting my salvation. It's common among believers. We ask ourselves if there is confidence in our relationship with God. It's almost like asking yourself if your spouse is still married to you or if your kids are really your kids. It'd be awful if your kid came up to you asking if you are still their parent.

So how can we have assurance that we know God saved us?

1 John 3:16 says "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." 


John writes that we know love because God sent His only Son to die for us. 

Religion says that we should love one another to earn a spot in Heaven.
Christianity, a relationship with God, says that He first loved us and enables us to love. By the love we have with one another, the sacrificial love, it's proof that we are following Jesus Christ empowered by the Holy Spirit. 

In verse 18 it says "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."


We love sacrificially. I show love towards my family not because it will get me to Heaven and not because they did something in return. I love them out of sacrifice and because that is what I am called to do. I love them because Jesus first loved them. 


John continues to write about our confidence in verses 19-24. 

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Beloved, if our heart does not condemn us, we have confidence before God; and whatever we ask we receive from him, because we keep his commandments and do what pleases him. And this is his commandment, that we believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ and love one another, just as he has commanded us. Whoever keeps his commandments abides in God, and God in him. And by this we know that he abides in us, by the Spirit whom he has given us."

Although, it is impossible to love sacrificially 100% of the time, we can still be assured of our salvation through loving others because God first loved us. It's not natural to want to give to others. It's natural to be selfish and it's natural to love others because you want love in return. The Holy Spirit living inside of me is allowing me to love others sacrificially. 

So should I doubt my salvation as much as I do? No, I shouldn't. But I most likely will because my flesh will take over. It's important to know that I do have salvation though. 

Do you doubt your salvation?

Do you love sacrificially?

Or do you love to get love in return?

Or do you not love at all?

Here's a little cheesy video for you to enjoy (: